Parenting Pop Quiz

When I was pregnant, many people told me that parenting was hard.  

"Yeah, yeah," I thought.  I'm tough.  I got this.  

Turns out, parenting got me.  Or rather my ideals about proper parenting got me.   What I expected and what happens on a daily basis are wildly different.  

If you've ever wondered if you've got what it takes to be a parent, then here's a handy pop quiz.  If you can identify at least one thing wrong with each of these photos, then you are going to be a great mom or dad.  

Go ahead, you got this.  

QUESTION #1:

What's wrong here?  There are NO DOUGHNUTS in my cart!  Everyone knows that mothers of newborns are required to enjoy at least one Krispy Kreme an hour during those first weeks.  It feels a shame not to tell you this now.  Keep going.  

QUESTION #2:

What's wrong here?  Amelia is not a teenager, yet she already looks bored and annoyed with me! I can almost feel her eye rolling technique starting to form.  The only thing right about this moment is that I'm on a business trip during potty training.  

QUESTION #3:

What’s wrong here?   It’s a violation of the traditional parenting rule, “No pants, no problem.”   I mean, if he had pants, I’m sure he’d smile and agree to sit in the high chair, right? 

 

QUESTION #4:

What’s wrong here?  I only have two children, but about forty two sippie cups.  These evil cups magically multiply like bunnies.  But when I really need a clean one, I can’t find one.  Plus, none of them are actually spill proof.  Just warning you - these suckers are tricky.   

QUESTION #5:

What’s wrong here?  He’s cute, but he left too much evidence of his first ‘Five Finger Discount”.  If he’s going to steal all the salad bar food before we checkout, then at least he needs to make it less obvious.  Always remember to wipe the face and remove all pineapple from the shoe.  

 

QUESTION #6:

What’s wrong here?  There’s no whiskey in my coffee!  If you are going to have a toddler pull your hair while having a temper tantrum in public, you really should have strong liquor in your cup, or at least some cheap wine.   My bad. 

 

QUESTION #7:

What’s wrong here?  I'm unable to maintain good personal hygiene.  Good parents take a shower when their child sleeps.  My kid takes naps in the shower.   I clearly skipped the day they taught sleep and shower seperation in parenting class.   I know you can do better than me. 

 

QUESTION #8:

What’s wrong here (other than agreeing to go on a group camping trip with an infant)?  I can’t decide if it’s the proximity to wine bottles, sharp knives, bug spray, or hot coffee.  It’s probably the red bead necklace with my pink shirt.  Yup, that’s it.  My outfit totally clashes. 

 

BONUS QUESTION:

What’s wrong here?  NOTHING.  Everything is right about this picture.  Because when you survive a moment like this and live to laugh about it, then you’re going to make it in this parenting thing. 

Here’s the secret folks:  There are no right or wrong actions.  You are a good parent by just trying to be one.  There are days everything will go wrong.  There are moments everything will go right.  Everything else in between will just be funny….someday.

Run, Sarah, Run

Every morning it takes great courage for me to put my daughter on the bus, waving to her as she departs off to school.

But this is nothing compared to the courage of my friend Sarah, who stands next to me at that bus stop waving to her seven-year-old son, too.

On the surface, Colton looks just like any other eager second grader.  He’s got a goofy smile, happy outlook, and always carrying his backpack on one shoulder while leaping on the bus with youthful enthusiasm. 

But Colton also has a debilitating genetic disorder called neurofibromatosis (NF).  NF causes tumors to grow all over the nervous system and can cause blindness, deafness, learning disabilities and severe chronic pain. These tumors can also become cancerous.  There is no treatment and no cure for NF.   

One of the most difficult parts for Sarah is telling people about Colton.  Currently, Colton has a large inoperable tumor in his upper leg and other small tumors he is managing with the help of his doctors.  But otherwise, Colton looks normal and healthy right now. 

For Sarah, this is both a blessing and a curse.  The blessing is that Colton’s condition has not yet developed into visible restrictions to his daily life.  Yet the curse is that the seriousness of his condition remains hidden from friends and family. 

They say that parenting feels like your heart is walking outside of your body.   Sarah’s heart is walking around, leaping on a bus every morning, with an incurable disease that can manifest further at any moment.  NF is a progressive disease, and there isn't much more Sarah can do other than watch and wait.  It leaves her feeling fearful, powerless and without any control.

I have immense and knee buckling respect for any mama that can live this way.

Two years ago while researching NF, Sarah learned about Cupid's Undie Run, which benefits the Children's Tumor Foundation.  They discovered this fundraiser for NF research to help find treatments and a cure. Can you imagine the amount of overwhelming research she did?  She told me, “That’s just what you do when you find out your child has an illness you have never heard of before his diagnosis.”

Sarah and her husband Nick knew that fundraising for critical research that may one day help Colton was something they couldn't ignore.  They wanted to get involved - and in a big way.  It is something - the only thing - they CAN do to try to make a difference, hopefully in Colton's lifetime.

That, my friends, is courage.

I will never know exactly what Sarah is going through.  But I do know what helps: Listening.  Learning.  Caring.

So I’m listening to her, learning about NF, and caring about Sarah.   She is the unsung hero in this story. 

Here in Minneapolis on Saturday, February 13th, the temperatures will be frigid, and Sarah will be running in Cupid’s Undie run.  But I’m certain Sarah has endured more than a run in the cold. 

I can imagine her running and thinking, “Is this all you got, winter?  Do you know I am stronger?  Do you know how far I would run in the cold for Colton?” 

Bring it, Minnesota.   She’s ready to run.

P.S.  You can help by donating to Sarah’s campaign or joining a team.  Together, we can be the difference in the lives of children and help #endNF.

The Holiday Card Hoax

My talented sister-in-law created holiday cards for me this year.  I sent her the digital files from a professional photo shoot, and she worked her creative magic. 

Our card this year is a portrait of joy and serenity.  We all have nice smiles, crisp outfits, and clean hair.  Here it is:

But really, it's not us.  The truth is our lives look nothing like this picture.  On a daily basis, Amelia refuses to brush her hair.  Duncan bites the other kids at school.  I’m wearing my pajama top as a bra until dinner. We're far from put together. 

I suddenly felt bad sending out these cards.  I don’t want to create the false perception that my life is easy breezy.  I don’t want my fellow moms, single friends, or distant relatives to think that we eat every meal in elegant attire and family bliss.

We all do it.  We all want to show our glory moments, even the ones that only last a split second. 

But I wondered why I would send out a picture of a life that wasn’t me.  I realized that I wasn’t doing it to impress my friends and family.  I was doing it for me; or rather for Future Me. 

I don’t want to look back on these difficult years and remember the dark and messy days.  I don’t want to remember losing my temper over hair brushing, the angry exchanges with my husband over laundry piles, or the scratchy feeling of stubble on my legs from not shaving for three weeks.

I want Future Me to remember that feeling, even for one moment, when we all showed up clean, happy, and smiling.

You will toss these cards after the holidays are over.   But I will keep this card so Future Me will look at these photos in twenty years and forget the sharp edges of the tough times.

I know my long-term memory will be kind and forgiving.  This holiday card will help me remember the cheek kisses, Duncan’s little suit coat, and Amelia’s shiny hair - and not the kids fighting over broken crayons, snot-stained dresses, or temper tantrums in the Target checkout line.

Until then, I’m sorry for the pretty photos, and I'll understand if you send me yours. 

P.S.  Future Me did not let me send this alternate holiday card: