The irony of MORE

Mom and Amelia hard at work.  

When I was in my twenties, I often criticized my mom for staying in the same job too long.  In my opinion, she held a job that was significantly below her talent level.  She worked as a medical billing manager, overseeing a team that spent most of the day coding insurance claims.

As a teen, I was given the opportunity to work a few extra hours in her office, and I found the work boring.  She scolded me for using my elbow to prop up my head as I typed.  I was embarrassing her.  

But I believed she was embarrassing me.  I thought that her leadership skills and work ethic could have earned her more pay, more prestige, more promotions.  More, more, MORE.  

I pressed her to get a better job.  She always politely shook her head, telling me that she lacked a college education, loved her team, and wanted to be close to her children during the school years.   

Now here I am in my forties, working for the same company for the last eleven years, and staying in my job to be close to my kids during their younger years.  Mom is probably snickering up in heaven for all those years I was such a prick.  

If I worked elsewhere I myself could have more career potential.   I want to ‘lean in’ to my career, but I also need to stop leaning so hard on myself.  I want to be both Sheryl Sandberg and Betty Crocker.  But like most realities, I can't be both.  

Recently, I was able to volunteer at Amelia's elementary school to help pack meals for the homeless.  She stood next to me as I directed the kids, measuring each ingredient for a hearty soup mix.   Other kids wanted to change jobs, but not Amelia.  She wanted to work with me.  

Fate is just funny that way.  I may never be Sheryl Sandberg.  I will most definitely never be Betty Crocker, but I can be the blend that works - Sheryl Crocker, Betty Sandberg, or just me.  

I get it now, mom.   You always wanted more for me.  I wanted more for you.  We always wanted more for each other. 

That 'more' just manifests in ways we don't expect.  I may not have more promotions or pay in my future, but I already have what I need.  I got it from mom, and now I'm giving it to Amelia.