Leprechauns, Luck, and Loss

Earlier this week, my five-year-old daughter asked me about St. Patrick’s Day and leprechauns. I didn’t want to inadvertently start some new candy-infused tradition, so I dug into something rare with kids and holiday characters – the truth. 

“Leprechauns don’t bring you anything,” I said. 

“Nothing?!” she asked in disbelief.

“Well, sometimes they bring you luck,” I replied trying to appease her. 

She didn’t understand the concept of luck.  As I struggled to define the word, I started to think about my complicated relationship with luck through my life.

When I was younger, I thought I was really lucky.

Then when my mom got cancer, I questioned whether I was still a lucky person.  Her cancer started really small and insignificant.  Each time we thought she was cured, doctors told us there was only a small chance that it would return.  

I believed the harder I worked, the luckier I would become.  Fate was something I could control.   Yet my mom relapsed four times, despite all my research on new treatments, doctor visits, and hospital overnights.

During her illness, I was also single.  I thought I could change my luck in love by trying harder.  I participated in speed dating, online personals and set-ups from strangers.  But no magnitude of bad dates seemed to change things.  I was still single, and my mom was still dying. 

I felt pretty angry about how unlucky I felt.  I blamed God, fate, and myself.  I assumed maybe I had done something bad or wrong in life. 

But what I didn’t realize was that my struggles were not related to luck.  There were some things I could control, and some things I couldn’t.  Luck had nothing to do with it.

I was grateful to have my mom for all the years I did.  I was lucky to recognize what I wanted in a husband by learning what I didn’t want in one. 

Once I let go of my anger and expectations, I found gratitude in my struggles. 

No matter how much I try to shield Amelia, she will feel unlucky at some point in her life.  It’s my job to teach her how to find grace when she doesn’t get what she wants. 

I still believe in luck, I just don’t rely on it.  Life is full of delightful surprises and good fortune.  But when it doesn’t, I don’t blame the leprechaun at the end of the rainbow.  I look for my own gratitude somewhere in that cloud. 

Amelia trying her luck with a NCAA basketball bracket...