Surfboards and pancakes
The first blog is dedicated to my Storyline people. You know who you are.
Like Shauna Niequist bravely shared with us, I've drifted several degrees off the course of who I really am and want to be. I, too, used to "throw the candy" with reckless abandon, but lost that joy somewhere. I have been stressed out by get togethers with my good friends, I've been obsessed with my Quicken budgeting, and nearly threw a fit when my daughter cleaned our glass top dining room table with Formula 409, as opposed to the more appropriate cleaning product known as Windex. I’m that far off course.
As much as I deeply and feverishly want my life story to be changed and redrafted immediately, it will surely be a gradual transformation that will only be perfected with practice, like making really great pancakes. The batter of my life will start out lumpy and messy and full of bubbles I need to pop, but will turn into something delectable and satisfying if I have enough patience and courage to flip it.
How do I know I will make some changes? Well, over the two day conference, I found myself regretting that I put on mascara about nineteen times. My bones tingled with inspiration so often I thought I was having a mild seizure. There were moments that everyone in the auditorium seemed to disappear and I swore the person on stage was speaking directly to ME. I think that tells me that there's a big wave coming, and now is the time to jump on the surfboard, close my eyes, and ride.
How do I really know I’ll follow through? I can’t ignore the near divine intervention that occurred when strangers appeared before me at just the right moment. When I was lost and aimlessly wandering the Willow Creek parking lot, a family offered me a ride and then allowed me to join them for dinner where I swear that God was disguised as the sushi chef and smiling at the fellowship he was creating. When I wondered if my story was worth it, the woman sitting next to me assured me it was as she shared her similar pain and sorrow. When I doubted my ability to juggle it all with my two young kids at home, I met a entrepreneurial mom with three young kids at home, reminding me that I could do this, as Anne Lamott says, bird by bird - or diaper by diaper.
I've had excuses why I haven't written in a while or started that blog that begin with things like the two toddlers, the full time job, the laundry piles, the blah blah blah. As Donald Miller said, 'my excuses are not really interesting.' He's right. Although I did have one interesting excuse - I couldn’t decide on URL name for my blog website - because my first and last name with a “.com” at the end is already taken by a porn star. I kid you not. And please don't try this at home. You're going to have to trust me or face an awkward conversation with your spouse or significant other. I guess I'm stuck with this blog site until I get off my butt, write more, and earn more unique hits than than a porn star. I'm sure Donald Miller had better visions for my life ambitions, but I have to start somewhere.
So I'll quit things on Thursdays, I'll throw the candy, I'll stop making excuses, I'll do the next right thing, I'll be vulnerable and take just one more step over the line. I'll write daily, and forgive myself on days I don't. Like Glennon, I’ll pat my insecurities on the head each morning and give them big hugs as I send them out to the playground while I write in peace. And I'll start this damn blog. I can't miss catching the big wave.
So here it is Storyline people. My written thank you that starts with an open, extended hand. Let me hoist you out of the water up onto the surfboard of this change process. What wave do you want to catch?